Preferred Names and The Struggle of the Reproduction Issue

Preferred names have become more common and accepting. It is apparently heavily used in my daughter's group of friends and she is in her last year of middle school. I wonder if it is just a fad and/or social thing. 

I let it be for a while. My daughter has a preferred name. 

One evening, she came up to me asking me about doing a sleepover at Elliott's. I asked who is Elliott. At the same time, my mind was racing thinking that my daughter is 14 and she's a teenager and she's around hormone-filled friends. She explained that Elliott is a new friend of hers and is the preferred name of that person. I prompted her for more information. I explained and apologized to her saying that I did not mean that I am gendered-biased but I need to be sure that she was safe. She explained that she's not into boys. 

I am definitely not ready for bad news when it comes to reproduction. I trust that my children understand protection. I do realize that all of this comes from my own trauma (I personally went through an unwanted pregnancy, abused, wrongfully terminated, etc.) and I want to teach others. 

Back to the popularity of the preferred name. I thought about this for a few days. I realized that we heavily base names on gender. I feel that it has been instilled for so long and we are already hard-wired just as your first mono-language such as English

I was okay with people choosing their own identities and I have my own. I am very much straight and didn't want to change that. I am very much female and I didn't want to change that either. It is in my blood. I accept my first name. My last name was a bit struggle for a while. People love to make fun of it.

While my last name is a struggle, it helps me understand why others might change their names. Sometimes they associated it with a person in the family with that they have resentment. I find that true. 

So as for gender identity. it is acceptable that it is authentic and respectful. I am okay with name changes. I am okay with their true identity. Heck, they do not need my permission or approval. 

However, I am not okay with any potential abuse opportunity that others might see. Please know and understand that there are some people out there that are still heavily instilled with gender-based names or identities to this day. I am one of these people. Do not get me wrong. I have respect for their identity and their preferred names. 

Hear me out for a bit. I do have a valid concern - the reproduction issue. This is so new to me when it comes to reproduction and preferred name and identity. I do need a bit more education. I am relying on my last child for better awareness. 

I am far from accepting those who change or claimed gender identity and abuse it later. For example, I fear that a person claim that they are not into girls, identified themselves as part of LGBTQA+ community, and leads to one thing then another. Before a girl knows it, she finds herself in a hard situation and impregnate her. I fear that people take advantage of a friendly community like LGBTQA+ and use it as a gateway to lure for a person's own sexual gain. I have seen and heard about community abuses on different topics such as financial gain. I am a member of the Deaf community and I have seen cases where the Deaf community has been taken advantage of.  

We are animals and we have reproduction organs. Animals survive in nature and with some humans' help. Humans need society and finance to survive. 

Unfortunately, a female body is so unique and at the same time, is a real disadvantage because a female person has to deal with her reproduction organs while a male does not deal with a similar challenge/process. She will need to be super conscious of her body and what she will have to deal with. For example, having an unwanted pregnancy and then having the option to do an abortion. Or she has to deal with birth control options and remembering it. Or she has to go through 9 months of pregnancy and deal with the painful labor and delivery process. It takes an extra responsibility and a burden on a female. 

As for a male, what takes a male to be extremely conscious of what he will do and leave a female with? Some of them can be very manipulative. Some men are easily run away after seeding. Apparently, some easily can drop the responsibility after the enjoyment of sex, which impregnate a female unprotected. Some of them easily can keep on playing. 

If a female is manipulative, that is her own consequence. If a male is sincerely honest and responsible, I love them and they have my utmost respect.

Unfortunately, naive, innocent, nonmanipulative female ends up with lifetime consequences - carrying and raising an infant, opting for abortion and being scarred for life, or giving up a child for adoption - again scarred for life. I went through an unwanted pregnancy, raising a child myself. 

I am concerned that society here in America is not yet fully solidified with the option of being protected from unwanted reproduction. I am also concerned that children suffer abuse and lack of genuine attention that led them to confusion when it comes to their developmental process - identity, gender, sexuality, reproduction responsibility, etc. I personally know a 17 years old male that got a teenage girl pregnant and had a daughter last year and its 2022. The male is not even helping with the baby. It is extremely difficult to raise a child alone and unsupported in any way - physical help, financially, emotionally, and socially. I feel the agony right there.

It is still happening in today's society. With the preferred name being so popular, I fear that it easily can be abused. I think the best thing to do is share your feelings and concerns. I also think it is a good idea to fully communicate with your children about what you know, how you feel, and what you are concerned with. 

I strongly believe that your children need to know the following; 

1. You love them regardless of their identity
2. You respect their preferred name as long it is authentic (rather than taking advantage)
3. How important boundaries are - its okay to say no! 
4. They own their body and they have the right to protect their body
5. They are responsible for their own reproductive behaviors 
6. You want what's best for them
7. Their future and dignity matter
8. They are safe and fully aware of the safety
9. Have plans in mind
10. Follow their instincts closely
11. They can make a difference

I encourage you to communicate with your children about "in case of" scenarios and how important reporting is. I strongly recommend counseling if there is some kind of struggle in the family, friendship, or relationship. The most important of all, love them the way they are.