No Grapes, I Say
KT organized a Deaf friends get-together at a nice multi-leveled house in central Oregon. KT also worked with other friends to arrange multiple tasks - grocery, itinerary, expenses, supplies, and so forth.
I wrote "no grapes" to KT and a few other friends on an email who would be bringing groceries knowing that it will cause issues at the house she rented. I do not owe them an explanation. KT never asked me why.
Everyone has arrived and settled in. The place was beautiful. Friends were discussing their plans. I had three kids and one of them was my eldest daughter who was about 14 or 15 years old and I expected to make her own choices.
KT came up to me with a large clamshell of grapes. My eldest daughter was behind KT. I gave the warning look at my daughter and KT. I chose to say nothing and proceed with activities. I chose to do nothing because I didn't buy it so it didn't belong to me. My eldest daughter knows what grapes would do to her and I expected her to make good choices. We have had a conversation about this at home. I also chose not to repeat myself. I chose not to worry because I was there to enjoy myself.
We all did things - hiking, playing games, going to town and visiting different exhibits, etc. When we all were resting, we would chat, cook, play games, etc. At one point, I noticed that KT kept talking about a name I do not know. I comfortably asked KT who that was. She explained that it was a code name for someone I know.
I proceeded as usual. However, in my head, I was concerned that KT and her friends do gossip. I didn't find that acceptable or mature.
We continue to enjoy ourselves in a beautiful southwest-like environment in central Oregon. It is a place I would move to after living in Santa Fe, New Mexico for three years.
One morning at the check-out, we were leaving the house as the gathering has come to an end. I noticed the Deaf guys had to do something with the downstairs toilet. In my head, I thought, KT should be the one who should be fixing the toilet.
Thankfully, the grape was not a life-threatening allergy. It is just troublesome it would have caused.
Today, when I think of this, KT indeed ignored my request and intentionally bought the grapes and showed me the grapes. I am not sure why she would do this. It possibly gave her something to gossip about. Or any other reason I will never know or understand.
No grapes, I wrote. KT and a few others saw this in my email.
If she didn't bring the grapes, those innocent Deaf guys wouldn't have to do the disgusting task. I felt bad for them. I vividly remember one of those guys was my classmate from a high school. I did have to deal with it myself at my own home so I completely get it and feel the pain.
I agree that my message shouldn't have been disregarded.
I have always been a nice person, supportive of my friends, and respect others. However, this has changed my perspective on friendship. I know myself well. I do not immediately identify issues on the spot. I often find myself unsure. Being unsure, I tend to keep going and usually, time will tell itself.
Nothing is wrong with that. Karma will take care of it. I wouldn't be hard on myself. If you experience friends giving you a hard time, find yourself some better friends. If you find yourself being disregarded, again, let it take care of itself. Draw some boundaries. Writing journals or gracefully forgive the person and moving on. It is the best thing you can do because you chose maturity. I believe that it is best that they are the ones who should be thinking about this.
You deserve better. Be around people who support and listen to you. People can choose to start drama and you can choose maturity.
